Hisollumi I’m Your No One & You’re My Fuck Up
by CourtierFucker
Summary: Hisoka was in love with Illumi, even before getting drugged and forced into his body from when he was a kid. Illumi was angry at first but after a while he realized: Hisoka was the main one at his side, even when no one else was.
1. ThatTroubledMagician

-

Florescence lights of aqua, violet, turquoise, crimson and many others shivered and spun around the pub casting color in various areas of darkness nonstop. Giggles and chuckles ran through the building, music bumping and bodies humping against each other.

Hisoka had been in the bathroom, cheeks red and shirt in between his teeth, wrinkled and a bit wet due to his saliva staining the fabric. The room had been empty of course unless someone came in to puke, do drugs, or fuck which wasn't likely considering it was happening out on the dance floor. His pants was rolled down his wide thighs baggy and wrinkled presenting smooth pale skin shining under the dimly lit bathroom lights. Shaking a bit as he played with himself.

His hands were gentle at first, careful to not hurt himself with those claws he called nails. A shaky grunt left his struggling mouth as his pointer and middle fingers flexed and rubbed over his labia minora causing sensations so sweet that he he could almost taste it. Thighs jumping when the nail of his thumb scraped just right against his clitoris hood. He moaned sharply, the fabric in his mouth threatened to slip for a second as he resorted to laying his head on the hood of the toilet. Hair sticking to his head due to sweat but mainly still gelled up as his golden orbs slowly slid shut, his mind wandering.

Long pitch black locks that for some reason reminded him of gunpowder, a strong but lean body that was both feminine and masculine, and those unusually wide obsidian eyes that could literally see into a human beings soul. Such beauty. Such beauty indeed.

Hisoka felt his breath hitch as he pushed in a finger, vagina stretching a little giving off a warm feeling as it surrounded the digit. The skillful digits slid into the warm wet cavern as he arched on the toilet seat, muscles in his stomach tensing as he gasped, legs coming up and spreading wider for him to go deeper, and that strong back moving like a cat in heat. Shit, if it wasn't for his determination and long nails he wouldn't have grazed over his cervix letting out a heated cry that floated around the stalls flooding his ears.

_He sounded so much like a woman_.

His cheeks burned red, nipples erect and sensitive being exposed to the cool air of the room but also twitching under the slight heat that the magician had been blowing through his nose.

_Illumi_.

He thought of those eyes that hated him deep down.. how much the assassin despised him... how bad that Zoldyck wanted him dead. Not like any of them didn't... He wanted to get closer to the Zoldyck. He wanted the other so fucking bad. Wanted them to be together. However he was Hisoka Morow. A damaged creature who many didn't even consider human anymore. Even though Illumi had a downside Hisoka was judged, criticized, hated. Who could love him? No one.. that's who.

He curled his fingers, his walls stretching even more while his nails dug into his soft squishy insides tapping his g-spot briefly before he cried out. A sweet sound despite who he was. His voice raising and octave and sounding to much like a pleasured woman. Shirt slipping from his clean white teeth as his hips jutted repeatedly, over and over again as he cummed. A milky cream spurting out, slipping through his strained fingers before he pulled them out slowly.

The cream falling onto the dirty stall floor beneath him as he basically scraped it out. He went limp for a second, lowering his legs; heels clicking against the hard dirty floor as his hands went to his sides. Head tilted back to let out puffs of air, he felt breathless as though he had been choked this whole time and only just now was let free. Oxygen filling his lungs once more as he came back down to earth.

He slowly tilted his head back up, head rolling a bit as though it suddenly weighed a hundred pounds. He stood, legs a bit shaky but not too back as he placed a hand on the wall, still wet and slimy but drying as well. He gave a light chuckle before dipping down to pull on the roll of toilet tissue wiping himself up from between his thighs getting rid of the residue. He tossed it in the toilet, which had still been a bit warm due to him sitting there for a while before he pulled up his underwear, which were a bright pink with lacy bottoms that looked absolutely beautiful against his skin tone.

He twisted around, groaning lightly as his muscles popped, flushing the toilet before pulling up his pants dusting them off. He opened the metal door and glanced down at the floor the held his orgasm but gave a simple shrug before walking over to the sink, heels clicking making a distinct noise considering it was much quieter in here. He approached the mirror looking over his body.

Slim waist, wide hips, and a gorgeous face. Now that's not only a woman killer but a man's as well. Not many people admitted it, none really, but had to give the magician props. He was attractive, in his own weird and disturbing way.

He gave a sigh and almost rubbed his fingers over his temples but remembered what he had just done. With a bit of a disgusted scoff he flipped on the water. He stared down at his hands, golden hues watching the pale skin get wet under the icy cold water without being bothered.

He should have known a place like this wouldn't have any soap... or warm water. He perked a little thinking of how it was surprising for the stall to have toilet paper. It didn't matter now though. He pulled his hands away going for paper towels only to notice there were none. His eyes narrowed and honestly for a second he felt like punching a hole through the wall..

With a shake of his head he sighed before remembering why he was at this place in the first idea. Illumi. They had decided to go out and talk about a plan concerning Gon and Killua.

"_Hm_." He said quite simply as he walked over to the squeaky wooden door before pushing it open and stepping out immediately greeted with the colorful and loud room. He quickly found his way back over to the eldest Zoldyck who had been sitting alone, cherry vodka in hand as he placed his head on the other. A slight aura coming from him making Hisoka shiver just a little as he approached.

He climbed on to his stool sitting down, legs spread and hands in his lap as he went to say something playful only to get cut off by the wide eyed man.

"You were gone for a while you know. Were you taking a shit?" The assassin question tilting his head to look at the other, before moving the hand that held his head to his hair brushing the long thick strands behind his ear. Hisoka felt his eyes follow the movement but simply shook his head. He and Illumi were just coworkers... that wasn't enough for him to tell him what he had done. Much less to tell him what he didn't or did have in his pants.

"No, I would never do that in a place like this." He spoke, voice smooth as freshly made chocolate before a chuckle rumbled in his chest. Now this time Illumi seemed mocked surprised as he looked at the golden eyed man before looking at his drink before gulping it down.

"Oh really? Well you couldn't have been having sex. No one wants to fuck you." He spoke quite bluntly like he always did. Never giving a second thought about someone else's feelings except his own and Killua's..

Hisoka felt a frown show up on his lips at the thought before he looked down at his glass of white wine. He laced his fingers around the stem of the glass before waving it around causing the liquid inside to rotate like a mini hurricane. Yeah he was bothered by the words but honestly couldn't help but be jealous of the white haired boy. He had Gon, he had Illumi. Friends and family something he had to grow up without.

He nearly flinched as a memory from his past tried to slip into his mind before he fought it up. He learned to build a mental wall around those days. He didn't want to talk about his childhood because well... he didn't get to have one. Jack black eyes were now staring at him and had been for a while due to the silence between them.

"_Clown_-"

"I was simply checking people out to see if any had noticed us. Nothing much." He spoke quickly noticing his silence. He looked away and Illumi nodded before glancing back over to the bartender calling him over wanting another drink.

"Even if they did they'd be too weak to fight." He spoke not caring that Hisoka didn't seem interested or focused in their conversations like he usually was. Illumi couldn't say he didn't like it though. He loved when Hisoka didn't speak. It was almost like heaven on earth. What was even better was when he wasn't around at all. He hated the constant flirts, stares, and touches. He hated it a lot.

If it wasn't for the fact that he was a strong opponent he wouldn't talk to him at all. To say the least, Illumi saw Hisoka as a toy and nothing but a toy.

"Refill." The Zoldyck spoke in a strong tone that made the man quickly do as told before leaving to tend to another person. Hisoka wanted to leave, he was upset and annoyed now and being surrounded by this many people wasn't a good idea. He stood catching the other's attention who turned his head to him.

"Where are you going? I didn't think we were finished talking." Illumi inquired as he looked up at the man who didn't look at him until a second later, he formed a charming smile before speaking stepping from the seat.

"Back to my motel room." He stated and Illumi blinked, which could be extremely rare at times, before standing as well making Hisoka's heartbeat speed up a little.

"Ah, then I'll be going too. No need to stay if we're done. We'll talk tomorrow." The man stated before gulping down the drink and sitting the glass down. Then he started walking not sparing Hisoka a second glance or waiting for him to leave so they could go together. No, he was just gone. Leaving the older man as though he was trash and as much as the pink haired man hated to admit it, he really did feel that way. He sighed and gulped down his wine before turning to leave stopping in his tracks as the bartender called out to him.

Curious he turned and the green haired man had offered him a rather large glass. For some reason he looked familiar but Hisoka didn't ask as he held out his hand taking the glass with great care, careful to not drop it. He lifted a neat brow and the man gave a toothy grin and maybe it was the fact the Hisoka was already a little tipsy but he felt like this was a little off.

"It's on the house." The working man smiled. Hisoka looked at him before shrugging.

_**Careless**_.

He brought the rim of the glass to his mouth and chugged it, the lids of his eyes twitched at the unique flavor as he finished it off.

_**Mistakes**_.

He licked the inside of his mouth tasting the residue that had been left behind. His eyebrows furrowed and he looked up, his vision a bit shaky and he blinked a couple times. For every person he saw there were now two, along with the lights, chairs and tables. He usually didn't get drunk but they had been there for a couple hours. It's been a very long time since he's felt this affected but that only meant he needed to get back sooner.

He'd hate to pass out in front of a bunch of people who clearly wanted him dead. With that thought he turned somehow managing not to tip over in his shiny crimson heels as he walked out the door. The cold winds surprised him a little, not like he wasn't used to such weather now that he's grown up and has had to live with it for years. His skin felt icy as he looked around, the moon had been out, shining in the sky along with a couple lampposts.

The loose strands of hair swaying with the breeze as he walked along the pavement. Not too many people had been out just some drunks who were way more wasted then he had felt like he was. He didn't pay them any mind as they gave him some harsh predatory looks as he continued to walk.

Once he reached the motel room he dug around in his pockets locating the golden but rusty key. He leaned against the wall for support, was the aftermath getting stronger? He didn't know, nor did he care at the moment as he pressed the key into the keyhole and twisted it hearing the loud click saying it had opened.

He twisted the doorknob and went it closing the door back with a bit of a slam as he walked over to his bed. The carpet floor had lines in it due to him dragging his heels flopping on the bed. He ended up staring at nothing, a couple things on his mind before darkness started to fill his vision.

_That brat Killua_.

_Sweet innocent Gon_.

_Loveless and emotionless Illumi._

_His fucked up past_.

_Him as a child._

_-_

"Such a cute little bitch."

"You think he'll bleed if we just shove it in?"

"Duh he will! Who cares though he's just a crazy orphan!"

"Yeah! He can't fight back anyway!"

Came deep and dark voices, vibrations flooding in the young boy's ears as he whimpered and squirmed trying to free himself from the rough hands that pinned him down to the cold hard ground. Blood dripping from his head, skin split and squirting a little as the crimson dripped down his dirt covered face along with clear salty tears.

His chest naked, ragged shirt ripped to shreds showing his small pink nipples. The cool breeze brushing over them making them pert. Shorts wrinkled as hands held his legs in place, bent, spread, and up to let everyone look at him.

He wanted to cry out, call for help but no one would help him. That's something he knew as a fact. No one would help him because no one cared enough to try. He thought he understood that by now.

Hands held down his arms, hard enough to cause bruising. Dark purple showing up on his original pale skin as the man in front of him slapped him. A loud noise that made him give a broken cry before the man grazed his thumb over the boy's bruised and bloody lip, digging his nail in the cut that he had gotten earlier when one cut him.

It hurt.

The man chuckled lowly before pulling his hands back pulling on his thick belt buckle pulling it from the loops before pulling open the button. His cock flipped out, bouncing from suddenly being released to the world a Hisoka felt his legs twitch.

**He really didn't want it.**

Heavy tears flooded his face, running over dry blood as he tried to close his eyes. He didn't want to see. He hated this.

His pants were torn open showing his cute shiny pussy, a gasp leaving him eyes snapping open wide with fear. He started to struggle again. Trying to kick, to punch-

To get free..

But he was too weak.

Everything happens for a reason right...

Right?

-

The redhead shot up, breath ragged and forehead soaked with sweat which was most likely the reason why his hair was done sticking to his skin. His vision was blurry, tear stained cheeks as he slowly sat up scared that he was in pain.

The bed was messy and wet as he stared down at it, his ears full with his own labored breaths before his body froze. He didn't notice at first but... his hands looked a lot smaller and childlike, and his clothes felt really loose against his skin. He looked around slowly and everything looked a lot bigger. The bed, the door, the windows, everything.

He immediately tried to jump off the bed only managing to tumble to the floor, tangled in the dark blankets thanks to his haste.

He fought them before running over to the large mirror on the opposite side of the room and fell to he knees at the sight. No, no this couldn't be happening. Small hands, softer hair, fair skin, and soft cheeks along with a small body.

He was in his twelve year old body again.

He stared in disbelief. He sat naked his original clothes laid in a heap after slipping off his body leaving him bare. His small cute pink nipples and soft chest that was just barely developing muscle. His hair down, he bit his lip looking down letting the locks hang in his eyes.

Memories flooding in like a tsunami no one was ready for and for the first time in a long time he started to cry. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he pulled his knees up to his chest to hug himself.

"_D-Damn it w-why_.." He sniffled digging his nails into his skin not caring when he broke the skin causing blood. He hated how high his voice was, how the pain came in searing, that he was back in this weak body. How the hell could this happen anyway..

He let out a broken sob when he couldn't think of what happened last night, it was a blur to him honestly. His skin burned as the blood ran down his arms, tears running down his legs as his toes curled, nails digging into the carpet.

He jumped and bit his lip when his phone started to ring. The room going silent as he slowly lifted his head looking catching himself in the mirror once more.

He was so little again.

His usually playful golden eyes now red and wet with tears, blood running down his pale skin as he peeked from under his red hair. With a whimper he moved and crawled to the mirror pressing his head to the cool surface. Pressing his hand to it as he questioned why this hand happened.

The phone had stop ringing and he stood up on weak shaky legs tripping a little bit managing to walk over to his phone that had fell off earlier when he rushed over to look at himself. He squatted down hugging his knees as he picked it up to look at the caller name, his continuous tears dripping onto the screen as he tried to read it.

"B-Big Daddy?" He whispered softly before a blush started to appear on his cute teary face. A bit shocked that the other had called. Usually he'd call back instantly but he bit his lip staring down at it. He couldn't answer... no, how could he explain this to the other. The only reason the assassin associated with him was due to his skills in fighting.. if he was to find out about this there was no doubt the other would drop him.

He gave a light whimper. Illumi already hated him this would ruin any chances he most likely didn't even have in the first place. His arm fell from his knees as his hand clutched at the skin where his heart would be gripping the skin hard until it bruised.

_It really did hurt._

He jumped when the device started to ring again, dropping it into the floor as he crawled back not wanting to pick it up. He shook his head before covering his ears trying to ignore the ringing that rung throughout his head. He was going to fucking loose it at this point. He just wanted to be back in his body! His older one!

He wished he wasn't born in the first place...

-

Illumi felt his eyes narrow on the third try. Why the hell wasn't that damn clown answering his phone. Usually it didn't take this long, usually he'd answer with a second of the first ring. Hisoka drunk a lot last night but Illumi doubted anyone was stupid enough to fight the redhead, and he didn't sleep too much so what was the problem.

They agreed to meet to follow Gon and Killua, now they were just wasting time. If it wasn't the fact that Hisoka was strong Illumi would go on his own. He didn't necessarily need that clown he just came in handy when Illumi didn't feel like risking his life.

Hisoka went instead.

Not like anyone would miss him, Hisoka had no one meanwhile Illumi had a family he needed to protect. He had people to return to even if they raised him to be a robot ever since he was young which seemed to not fail so far.

Illumi scoffed, wide dark eyes closing briefly. By the twentieth call, which hadn't gotten an answer either, the male decided to leave a voicemail. He waited for the beep cringing through the voicemail starter or the Clown. He really did hate him, that voice was atrocious. It really disgusted him when people assumed they were dating. He was just in it for the money he would get when the fool died.

"Hisoka, I'm coming over in a few hours." He said simply before he hung up tossing the phone on his bed. His room was normal, a bed, a couple dressers, a walk in closet and two windows. He wasn't a messy person, his mother always told him it was better to stay clean.

"Never associate with trash Illu. It'll just ruin your perfect look."

She wasn't wrong.. He was too good for that clown. Hisoka did ruin his perfect look. Now he had to focus on rebuilding it.

_**Damn pest**_.


	2. ThatShockedAssassin

-

Hisoka had twitched when he heard foot steps, they were a bit distant but he had still managed to hear it considering his ear was against the floor closest to the door. His eyes slowly opened, dull and vision was blurry and his body was cold. His room didn't really hold any warmth and now that he was little and weak again he noticed it for his first time since staying here. He sat up a little, vision starting to focus and hand coming up to rub at his numb temples.

He must have cried himself to sleep... no there was no doubt. He looked around and noticed he was on the floor hands running carefully over the carpet, no wonder... He moved to get up, swaying as he hugged his own naked body to crawl back into the bed avoiding looking at the mirror. He was too disgusted to look at it.

He had bags under his dead golden eyes and he looked paler than normal, he had already caught a cold.. mainly thanks to his hysterical crying and cold room. With a soft broken noise he placed a hand on his messy bed climbing up and flopping down, the sheets wrinkling under him.

He would have grabbed his blanket but there was no use, it didn't matter nothing did anymore. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged his them closing his eyes once more. It was midday and the sun had still been out for a bit. He didn't care though. He started to lose consciousness but then his phone rung again, golden eyes snapping open as he stayed still frozen with shock.

When it went to voicemail after a few rings he sighed in relief, it seemed whoever had called him didn't care to bother him much. He couldn't be bothered and he doubted it was Illumi but then his heart started to pound in his chest at what he heard from outside his room door.

"Hisoka, I'm here. Open the door before I kick it down."

The small child jerked and covered his mouth feeling the bile coming up, he was scared.. _really fucking scared._ He tried to scoot out of the bed without making any noise but he suddenly felt like a newborn deer. His legs shaky and hand gripping the dresser next to it whimpering when he tried to run to the bathroom and banged his leg against the firm wood which managed to form a dark purple bruise. It showed how frantic he was to leave, such force...

Illumi wasn't stupid and his eyes darkened clearly annoyed at the loss of a response. He was an assassin trained since birth after all, he's hearing was infinite. He waited a while longer outside the old rickety door, listening carefully to the shuffling noise inside before he stepped back and kicked open the door. The wood breaking into splinters that shot throughout the room thanks to joe much force he put into it. Splinters launching into the was and furniture.

His leg slowly lowering as he took in the scene.

When he stepped in he expected the fool to be in a strange position, thanks to dodging the attack, with a fox like grin; maybe stating how to assassin seemed '_active_' today as a joke but he didn't. The room was supposedly empty...the bed was messy, blankets hanging down on the the floor and clothes tossed all over the floor.

The Zoldyck looked around slowly, wide dark eyes taking in their surroundings, before walking over to the mirror. His steps nearly silent as he went over. He then looked at the carpet floor squatting down slowly when he noticed red in it. His long hair hanging over his form like a curtain as he hummed. He knew he had smelled blood and there was a bit which obviously some type of damaged was caused but from who? He doubted Hisoka got hurt, it was possible but he knew the other couldn't give jumped or killed easily not without a major fight of some sort.

_The clown may have been an idiot but he wasn't a weakling. _

He would have used En to scope the area but saw no need. He sighed. Maybe the idiot had simply went out on a walk or something or found a rat and killed it. Granted, that would help piss him off as well considering he never got an answer. Illumi also noticed a faded hand print in the mirror scooting closer to get a better look. He stretched his limbs before pressing his hand against the surface next to it.

"_A child? That fucking freak.._"

The male spoke before standing a bit of a disgusted look in his eyes dusting himself off. He didn't notice something was crawling until he pulled himself from his thoughts. He immediately turned around and there he was... A small boy, he assumed, with straight red hair, golden eyes, and bruised skin.

Hisoka turned to stone under the other's gaze looking up at the other with the most dreadful look. Illumi tilted his head... was it really possible for this to be Hisoka? There was no way it wasn't, the clown had way too unique looks for him to not be able to point them out. Illumi may have been a person that ignored a lot of things but he knew Hisoka when he saw him. How the boy looked at him annoyed Illumi just a little. He hadn't even done anything but it managed to not show on his face.

"_Hey_."

Hisoka bit his lip as Illumi looked over him, eyes blank and cold.. something Hisoka hoped to not see.. He had a baggy shirt on and nothing else and Illumi was just a bit confused. _So did something happen_? He suddenly started to reach out to the now, his aura dark and dangerous as the tips of his long hair started to raise. The now younger male immediately yelped standing up gripping the wall to keep himself from falling or stepping into any of the sharp wood pieces.

Hisoka tripped as he turned to corner but kept pushing himself to began running out the door jumping the rail, managing to twist his ankle which made him hiss and tumble.. dirt in the group pushing up and covering his already dirty skin even worse, the dust getting into his cuts as well. He fought it standing up ignoring the aching pain as he push through his unstable mind focusing on running and getting away. His shirt flowing on him like a dress as he ran as though he life depended on it.

It didn't last long though, he had gotten to the woods when he stopped falling down to his knees. He clutched his shirt trying to gathering breath, his throat was dry and his heart felt like it was going to explode his free hand gripping his naked thigh hard enough to cause blood. It was quiet, too quiet and if he was in his older body he would have noticed that.

He coughed, back arched as he dry heaved. His heat wet with sweat and sticking to his head. Suddenly he was face first in the grass and hurt cry leaving his lips, grass tips tickling his dry tongue as long dark hair slowly glided down to surround him. A large slender hand in his hair pressing his face to the ground and another holding the hand that had been in his thigh behind his back. Illumi loomed darkly over him, the shirt rising up showing his cute round butt which the Assassin ignored as he straddled the boy.

_"Hisoka... what the actual **fuck** is this. If this is some joke I'll kill you right here." _

He spoke lowly against him, their bodies flushed together and Hisoka whimpered. His wounds burned, throat throbbed, and body soaked with sweat as he was forced to look at the ground. In another situation he would have love this. To love been pinned down by this man and getting wrecked... even just the thought made him shudder. However tears were leaking out of his eyes.

"_P-please_.."

Illumi glared his aura shooting out causing the boy's spine to shiver all over. Hisoka whimper bring his lip.

"_So you're this weak now, begging like a bitch. I can't believe it_."

The male spoke pulling the boy's arm until it popped out of its socket making Hisoka scream and cry out his voice echoing as he roughly rubbing his head into the ground to whimper. Illumi tilted his head, it was basically a test. If this was truly happening then they couldn't continue with their plans and honestly, as much as Illumi wanted to kill him he refused to have his little brother snatched from him and for that to happen he needed Hisoka back in his regular body.

Illumi pulled away from his thoughts when he heard sniffles and whimpering and felt twitching. Hisoka couldn't handle pain like he did before.. it raked through him and just like a child he wanted it to stop. Trauma led him to begging. When he was younger he went through a lot.. begging and apologizing became a regular thing until he became cold and dark.

However he'd never turn on Illumi. He loved him too much even though he was worthless to him now. Even though he was weak and stupid.

_He was pitiful. _

_"I-I'm Sorry.. please.. I-I'm so sorry."_

Illumi calmed down, eyes icy. For some reason he felt as though Hisoka wasn't apologizing to him.. he didn't know why but he just did. It didn't matter though. He guessed he had no other choice but to put the plan on hold and try to get Hisoka back in his body. He let go of the boy's hair and limb broken arm standing up.

Hisoka twitched and jerked when Illumi spoke.

"Get up and let's go.. we're going to my house."

Hisoka tried to listen trying to sit up but he was so weak, his strong arm pushing on the ground to push him up as his other fell limply to his side dead to this world. He ankle sore and bruises and cuts dark and bloody. Illumi watched in a bored fashion before kicking the other's thigh making him whine.

"_Hurry up._"

He spoke and Hisoka forced himself to work hard, sweat dripping down his forehead at his struggles. Eventually he was up and swayed. His working arm holding his broken one trying to support it as he leaned against a tree. His head down, hair over his teary red eyes. Illumi stared before turning and walking to which Hisoka tried to follow but tripped and tumbled to the ground with an oof.

He didn't want to cry but this was such a blow. No doubt this would take forever to heal and even though he didn't know why Illumi was taking him at the moment he still wanted to follow. Still wanted to be by his side. Still wanted to be with him...

He bit his lip when a strong hand gripped the locks of his hair tightly pulling him up in the air. His body limp as Illumi looked into his eyes. Obsidian staring in golden pulls filled with pain. Illumi rolled his eyes before holding the body in his arms, Hisoka pressed against his strong firm chest as Illumi started walking again slowly forming into a run as he traveled across the grass and through the trees of the forest.

Hisoka felt his vision getting blurry, the corners of his eyes getting dark. He started to lose consciousness and with the freezing cold air he curled up tightly, face against the man's chest a bit happy to feel him.

Illumi suddenly thought back to when Killua was still little, hugging him and whining for him. He loved his brother.

_He'd have to wait to save him though, for he had trash to take out..._

_-_

When Hisoka has awoken he felt cold, like he had been placed in snow. It had been dark when his eyes flickered open. Hard to see as he shivered slowly trying to sit up before slipping forward with a painful yelp.

His eyes blinked open as he felt the metal below his skin and the thin blanket he'd been curled in slipped off his small body showing some of the bruises that littered his skin. Slowly he looked around, metal bars surrounded him closing at the top, sort of like a bird cage of some sort. He flinched when a low loud growl came from his side and upon seeing the large dog like creature with human like eyes he jerked. Bones creaking in pain but fear shot through him so fast that he didn't notice it.

Then a voice filled his ears and he slowly tilted his head to look in the direction it came from. Illumi squatted in the grass, eyes glowing in the way, the darkness in them swirling, assessing the situation before him as he thought to him, hair laying along the ground as his thumbs pressed over his thin smooth lips from outside the cage and Hisoka would be lying if he said he didn't blush.

"You're awake. Finally...** get up.**"

Illumi spoke in a dominant tone as he stood, golden eyes following the movement as the assassin walked over. Mike not moving in inch other then a wag of the tail as their owner came over standing before the cage. The winds blew tossing the Zoldyck's hair in the process as Hisoka shakily moved before gripping the cage with his strong hand and pulling himself up only then realizing he was nearly naked. Only a bare pair of shorts hanging on his hips, even though he was still covered...still hidden he reached for the blanket stumbling a little.

"Don't touch it. Look at me Hisoka."

The taller of the two spoke and Hisoka had to fight himself not to whimper. Illumi was so much bigger than him now and he could practically smell the anger and annoyance on him. His small hand raising to cup the bars once more before looking up, Illumi suddenly closer now, his head against the bars as his hair hung around him. Hisoka was met with scarily dark eyes that somehow seemed darker then the forest, them being the only thing he could focus on as they swirled.

He was frozen, eyes widen in shock before he bit his lip.

"I-Illumi-"

He tried to only get cut off.

"Shh."

Hisoka got quiet immediately as Illumi examined him like some exotic species. A small tug could be felt in the young magicians body, a warmth coming over him. He went to turn his head away, any longer and he would be caught exposing his feelings. His head turned sideways suddenly, messy hair following the movement as he bit his lip hard enough to draw blood this time. A hand shot out trapping his chin making the boy look at the assassin again. Hisoka let out a whimper.

"Can't even follow directions anymore hm? I'll teach you again then."

**Again?**

It was a strange way to phrase his words, Hisoka had never been the one to follow rules unless they gave him the upper hand in a situation. He was confused and it showed on his face as Illumi let him go, standing up. Hisoka licked his lips as the eldest Zoldyck got up walking around the cage tugging a key that had been hidden behind his shirt. Hisoka tensed up, he worried that Illumi already knew one out of two of his secrets..he assumed Illumi was the one to dress him after all.

He not a word as raven haired man pushed the key in and twisted the lock open. He put the key away, Hisoka watched just in case he needed to escape. He knew were the key to this damn thing was at now, but for now he stayed still.

Illumi came over kneeling down to the shaky boy. He grabbed his wrist looking over the wounds that were now disinfected and cleaned up. Illumi was admiring his work, never would he had thought of healing someone other than Killua but here he was using his talents on his now useless partner. Hisoka perked when someone showed up to the cage holding something hot in a bowl.

The smell had Hisoka excited, it smelled like meat soup and to be honest Hisoka was starving. He didn't eat much as an adult because his body could go long periods without doing so but now that he was a child again it had a heavy affect on him. He ignored how Illumi stared at him drooling a little as his stomach let out a growl.

Illumi didn't even spear the servant a look, he held his free hand out and carefully the servant set the seemingly boiling bowl in the palm of the older male who of course didn't flinch. He sat it down on the chilling floor of the cage and without think Hisoka reached his empty hand out to take it. Illumi was quick, the Shan's that held the bowl shooting up to wrap around the boy's throat staring as the redhead choked. His hand tight like a vice and as Hisoka started to panic he could see tears fill his eyes, he'd had a bruise there for sure.

Illumi towered over him, Hisoka's golden hues leaving the steaming bowl in front to look at the man that had him. Illumi leaned down, his voice in the boy's ear.

"Ah, Ah, ah.. You don't get to eat until I say so. Understand?"

Hisoka switched from shock, to confusion, to finally anger. What did he mean? Hisoka May be weaker now but he need he wasn't a bitch that just took orders. Golden eyes narrowed and deep down Illumi was... excited. The boy growing angry showed that there was still something of the old Hisoka and that yesterday was probably just a fluke. Maybe all that begging was fun and games and the magician was just messing with him. Illumi thought silently, his hold on the boy tightening and Hisoka tried to move worried the other might break his jaw.

"Are you messing with me..** Hisoka**?" 

"Does it really hurt Hisoka? Are you really in pain?" 

The aura was growing stronger-firmer. Illumi was mocking him and in the most horrid way. Hisoka felt his eye twitching before he snapped it close, panting out his mouth.Illumi chuckle, it sounded like the devil...he used to see him all the time as a child.

**"I'm sorry."**

He spoke through thin cold lips. Hisoka simply let out a gurgling sound, Illumi didn't bother turning him over to save him from drowning in spit leaving it up for the clown to control his body and do it alone. Illumi suddenly looked up at the servant who had been looking away, sweat gathered onto their skin. The scene was brutal and they, well she-a female with dirty blond hair-never imagined she see a child get beaten like a dog. However, these were the Zoldycks and she knew it happened to Killua but thank for she had never been around to actually see or hear the damage.

She flinched when swirling raven eyes looked at her, the toxic energy of the eldest Zoldyck focusing on her shaking her to the bone. Speak no evil, see no evil, and hear no evil and maybe you'd be blessed to live another day. At least that was the case in this house of horrors.

"What is it? Is there something you wish to say?"

Illumi spoke standing at his full height, he came out the cage closing the door behind him. As he approached the woman she had to restrain herself from taking a step back, keep herself from showing weakness in front of such a threat. Quickly she spoke, it was chilly out here... she wanted to get back inside as soon as possible.

"Y-Your mother Master Illumi. She wishes to talk to you."

She struggled to keep her voice straight. She cursed herself as her voice stammered a little, she knew she shouldn't have but for a split second she looked over to the redhead who who was now sitting up holding his jaw, his sniffles coming out as he pulled his chin up to his chest. Illumi moved a little blocking her pity filled look from the small boy. He wondered what mother could want.. if it was about Hisoka through there were to be one of two reactions. One, she didn't notice who he was and accepted him to but a part of the family... to be honest Hisoka looked quite feminine so there was the possibility of mother raising him like a girl. Not like she didn't try it with Illumi... The second reaction would be her noticing immediately who the boy was and perhaps wanting him dead which was very likely.

Mother wasn't stupid after all.

Instead of asking the servant where he could find his mother he asked her something else.

"What's your name again?"

He asked and Hisoka peeked over looking at them. He didn't why but his stomach churned... something was to happen and something did. "It's Chiyuki Mairoi, Master Illumi-" Blood colored the grass. Golden eyes widening as he gasped, if he blinked he would have missed it. Illumi hand veiny and dripping crimson as the head landed with a thump in front of the cage. Hisoka jerked away hugging himself as his eyes darted back to the man watching as he flicked his hand, flinging the blood off his now normal hand as her body slumped.

"Eat up Miké. I'll be back later."

He spoke smoothly as he started walking into the darkness of the forest. That's why that beast was here... it was to keep an eye of the small boy, the way it bared it's teeth at him as it took the woman's head in its slob covered mouth, the way it watched every and any moment he made... he had to be careful. This was a new field and his mind was fighting itself, confused, unstable-switching between the two questions:

Am I strong?  


Or...

Am I weak? 

He didn't know, his head switching from his more adult thoughts to his childlike ones leaving him spiraling. Both personalities clawing, scratching, tearing at each other to come out on top.

His adult wanted to be impressed, submissive...roll over like a dog and be used by the Zoldyck while his child wanted to run and hide, the need to survive and find someone to actually help him. Right now he was with the child, huddled up and whimpering, he didn't like how dark it was. He feared the dark.

-

"Illumi! Finally your here!"

The woman cawed which was rather strange, Illumi had only taken maybe fifteen seconds to get there. Maybe mother was stressed which was fairly easy to become these days considering Killua still hadn't returned home just yet which reminded the Zoldyck why he was angry once more. He didn't make it obvious though and of course he wasn't mad at Killua for his choices, just disappointed. Hisoka was the reason of his anger. Illumi watched with wide eyes as his mother paced the newly polished floors.

"What's wrong mother? If it's about Killua I am working on it-"

**SMACK!  **

Illumi didn't even close his eyes at the impact. A red hand mark slowly appearing on his face, had it been someone else their neck would have snapped...and even though that was just a warning hit. He had figured, bringing up his younger brother was a touchy topic.

"You're working on it huh?! Well you're not working hard enough because if you were he'd be here chained in his room like a good boy! Is he here Illumi? Tell me!"

She screeched and Illumi slowly looked back to to her. No, he wasn't here, not yet.

"No. Not yet mother."

He spoke and she scoffed. Clear disdain on her face even with her sight the way it was. She started to pace again however it was slower this time, at least he helped her relieve some stress there. She didn't even bother to continue talking about her white haired son, Illumi fucked up only every once in a while. She wouldn't drop her faith completely. The treatment reminded him of years ago when he had been growing, he'd be beaten nearly everyday by Mother and Father. No one to help him out the runt which led to his siblings going through the same treatment.

He didn't know why but suddenly he felt... off. Like he had just been stabbed? He didn't know but to be honest, it hurt a bit.

"What's outside.."

The woman asked and Illumi gave a light hum snapping out of his rather queer thoughts. He wasn't going to lie.

"Hisoka."

He knew what response she was going to have even before she spoke. He turned going to fetch the boy for her as she let out a huff.

-

Hisoka hadn't even heard Illumi come back, he had covered his ears at once point going crazy as Miké munched in the dead corpse left behind. He trembled, huddled and as Illumi stood in front of him the long haired male sneered ever so lightly. He must hurry him back to mother before she gets upset. Illumi stepped closer but took the time to look over the boy. It made him freeze a little.

Hisoka...wasn't ugly. Even with a broken jaw and covered in wounds. The red hair was messy but it was a nice tone, you didn't see the color too often. He had lovely pale skin as well, even in the darkness of the forest...even with shadows watching them from every angle Illumi could see how nice Hisoka was. He seemed to hold a rather feminine body as well, a slight hourglass shape on him in another world Illumi would have been upset that he wasn't the one to dress Hisoka when he brought him here.

No, he allowed a servant to take care of it. Maybe he could have taken pictures of his body and sold them, make the boy scared and paranoid. Hisoka flinched when dark strands of hair tickled his shoulders. He looked up with wide traumatized eyes just to meet wide inky black ones. His heart sunk, what could Illumi possibly want now? The boy thought, the adult part of him letting out a feral growl as the child sat stunned. He even had the brilliant idea of inviting some thugs over..let them use the boy until he stopped playing games and changed back. Or perhaps he'd sell him in the dark market.

He'd think about it later.

Illumi was bent down, his head hovering inches above Hisoka's.. his hand grabbed Hisoka's wrist yanking for him to get up. Hisoka gasped, legs buckling as he skidded instead of actually standing. Illumi yanked him once more.

"Either get up or I'm going to drag you. I'm bringing you to mother."

The fear that showed on the boy's face made Illumi hum, it felt...good. He wanted to break him.


End file.
